Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
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