Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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