you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
