Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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