the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
