I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
