As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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