i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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