After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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