just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
