I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He did a backflip because drugs
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
