i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
