Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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