I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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