She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
