dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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