think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
