so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
