Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
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