Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
