He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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