I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
