I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
