she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
