Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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