I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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