no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
