I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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