waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
