Come see our sink grown plant.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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