Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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