He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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