Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
