You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
