As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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