Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
