It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
