I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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