I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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