my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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