i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
