life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he shaved USA in his pubs
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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