conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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