I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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