ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
people are starting to question the shark bite story
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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