Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
