Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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