Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
