Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
