She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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