Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
