just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
