she pinky promised me she was 18
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
